Bees Love Truth

So, the new Half Life episode. I can't help but notice that there are a few sucky things about the characters (not least that the NPCs are always sucking up to Gordon and asking him things as if he can answer). The worst, though, is Alyx. I can't believe how completely null a personality she is. She's like some idiot fanboy's idea of what a perfect woman should be, and she doesn't even have Dresden Codak's decency to pretend to be insecure about whatever it is the protagonist of that is insecure about. Alyx is this ideally supportive, even-tempered, perky chick, who can also hotwire a helicopter. She's so, so perfect that it's ludicrous. And (my least favorite addendum) also she is a genius. She's always sweet, she never loses her temper, she's an order of magnitude cleaner than other random jerks in the world, she tells you that you're awesome when you shoot stuff. I have a seriously difficult time imagining that any of the people who brought us the beautifully written Portal dialogue and universe had anything to do with this empty edifice of positive attributes.

The only way I can think of to fix this is this: maybe Alyx (ugh, that fucking Y) was shaped by the G-Man to be Gordon Freeman's sinister Hwi Noree. Maybe he's using her to keep Gordon in his hands, or to have a kill switch for him, or something. This would make all her goody-two-shoesing okay, because she specifically has to behave as Gordon would want (and by proxy, as many unimaginative players who don't know what real people are like would want). It would make her willingness to hang around the autistic guy with the guns somewhat more believable, as it would a wish to make him feel like he was protecting her and doing awesome things.

(I just want a record of this in case it turns out true. Also I really do think it's one of the only ways to make a relatively important NPC not totally a traitor to feminism and games at large.)

Here's a song, by the way, for the Terrible Transformation of Roast Beefy Weefs.

[Later edit: it occurs to me that probably my favorite part of the HP movie was toward the beginning, when, under a scene of schoolmates saying that Harry sucks and stuff, and generally disbelieving in his awesome destiny while sort of wanting to beat his face in, 'Boys Will Be Boys' was playing. Oh, it was really a nice, dark little touch.]